A Guide To Writing Women (For Men Who Don’t Want To Offend Them) (1/7)

Content
Part I: Introduction: On what this is and who it is and isn’t for.
Part II: Pretty Things To Look At: Visual descriptions and their fallacies; subjects, objects and breasts; exclusivity and accidental pornography.
Part III: Pretty Things To Use: A casting call gone wrong; age of consent and why it matters; on how Daenerys Targayen said yes.
Part IV: Pretty Things To Use, continued: On sexy rigor mortis; entertainment vs. insult; on how beauty standards make it harder to write well.
Part V: Pretty Things We’ve Read Before: On building mixed ensembles; on why everybody hated Tauriel; what The X-Men teach about gender defaults.
Part VI: That’s… Not How That Works: On why you should fact-check your erotica; on how your bible studies teacher was wrong about orgasms.
Part VII: Do It Right: All the positive examples and bonus advice on how to do it right for all who made it this far.

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HP reread! Philosopher’s Stone, Chapter 6: The Journey from Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

On Bad Parents

Now that Vernon has lost his fight to “protect” Harry, he (and Petunia and Dudley) just turn mean. I mean, dropping Harry at the non-existing platform and leaving him there, laughing at him, that’s just mean. Before that, there was at least a warped sense of honor involved for Vernon. I guess this is his way of regaining his dignity. (he had the strongest agenda before, so I’m assuming that Petunia and Dudley are taking their cues from him now; this was Vernon’s idea.)

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HP reread! Philosopher’s Stone, Chapter 5: Diagon Alley

Much Ado About Muggles.

When Harry asks Hagrid why wizards hide from Muggles, Hagrid replies, “Blimey, Harry, everyone’d be wantin’ magic solutions to their problems. Nah, we’re best left alone.” It’s interesting because there’s no sense of fear. Also reminds me of later when Harry will write an essay on that witch that was supposed to be burnt at the stake but just made a joke out of it. The wizards are extremely isolationist, but they are like that out of a sense of superiority. That’s why Arthur’s interest in Muggles is considers so quirky, too; it’s like when somebody studies turtles, weird, quirky but harmless. Anyway, it’s a perfect breeding ground for an anti-Muggleborn attitude. In this world where Muggles are a nuisance at the best of times, of course a lot of people would consider Muggleborns inferior as well. And while a part of the wizarding world is fighting anti-Muggleborn attitudes, nobody is giving a fuck about anti-Muggle attitudes. Hagrid, of all people, has them. Everybody has them.

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HP reread! Philosopher’s Stone, Chapter 4: The Keeper of the Keys

The What Now?

What exactly IS a Keeper of the Keys? Did it ever get explained? Gamekeeper is one thing, but Hagrid is both. If we assume that Keeper of the Keys means that Hagrid literally has all the keys to Hogwarts, which in a magic world would mean protection charm passwords or what have you, and considering that Hogwarts was the only safe haven through two wars, that’s a fucking big responsibility. I mean, Hagrid would basically be Hogwarts’ Secret Keeper. But clearly he’s no such thing, because as dearly as I love Hagrid, it’s fucking easy to get a secret out of him if you know how. So even Dumbledore wouldn’t be that irresponsible. And if Hagrid had held the key to all of Hogwarts’ entrances through two wars, McGonagall would hardly have been so surprised that Dumblemumble would entrust Hagrid with Harry’s safety in the opening chapter. So I still have no idea what a Keeper of Keys does. 

Hopefully not that. (WTF, picture search?)
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